hi my name is nalle the elephant I have been working at the circus for six years but i wanted to stay longer at the cicas because it was my home I got to do tricks eat peanuts everything but i got taken away from my owner and they had another cage next to me it was a tiger the tiger wouldn't stop looking at me when it woke up it tried to scratch me and his cage was falling over he tried to bite me but I bold him away from me and he fall off the truck and the cage cracked opened he was chasing the truck the driver looked at the back and he stopped the car and went out said with a tranquilizer gun and he shot the tiger and picked it up and put it back in the cage and put it at the back at the truck again he went in the truck again and driving somewhere I looked at the tiger it was sleeping we kept going but I seen a king cobra it sletherd to the truck and bit the tire and slithered off to the forest the man had a look at the tire he bend down and had a look the cobra came back and bit him on his leg and passed out the driver heard someone drop to the floor he had a look and it was a king cobra he squiled he grabbed the gun and shot the snake and picked up his friend and put him in the truck and drove off I had a look in the window and his friend was still not waking up I looked out of the cage and I saw people and we were in a small village we were driving thru it and we stopped I heard someone say (we got a elephant) I saw another guy come out the guy who caught me open the door and his friend dropped on the floor his boss told him to check his pulseless he said he was still breathing he told him to pick him up and take him to the nursery he looked at me and picked the cage up he said the elephant is only three months old he put me down on the ground near the nursery I rolled over behind the medicine and breaking the cage and I opened the door and i was free I ran away from them and I looked around I was back at the forest I seen the bushes shaking and it was that hungry tiger it was dribbling when it was opening its mouth and out of nowhere someone tranquilizer gunned the tiger twice he picked the tiger up and put him in a unbreakable cage and when the tiger woke up it was moaning i could hear him but he is a trickster because he tried to kill me! I ran away to the forest because I could hear someone walking he alerted everyone because I escaped I ducked down into the long grass so now one would see me the leader was one step away and his aliy said he heard something in the long grass he ran with him I went to go to the water to have a drink I seen a leopard I ran away and it was fast I tried to dodge it with big tree branches I seen a kangaroo and he head but it’s stomach and instead of hitting me he kicked the minion in the stomach and he fall backward and landed in a lake with crocodiles there were two more I camouflaged with a gray wall I traped one person he lost his friend I trapped him he had the worse part but I felt a little bad for him because elephants where playing human volley ball they were saying ‘ahhh!’ Let us go, big Chunky elephants!’ and then when I went to go and find the leader he was shooting the other elephants I ran to him and grabbed a bamboo stick and smacks his face and ran away to the other elephants but then I saw them get captured I ran away but then the leader and his Minions traped me I tried to escape but then I tricked them I looked up in the sky they looked up and I ran away into the bushes leaping down on the floor my heart was pumping super fast because I don’t want to get caught I seen a leopard and he was friend leo I asked if he could help me he said ‘yes’ they came and Leo growls at them they walked very slowly Leo bit the leader in the leg his monies carried him and then I found a snake it was the same one that bit the guy who was driving I asked him he said ‘yes’ and he bit the leader in the ribs he screamed 'ahhhhh!' but then I asked a croc to help me he bit the leaders hand the leader fall on the ground doing heavy breathing and ten snake bite all around the body there was heaps of blood dripping on the ground he said I won’t give up trying to catch you’ I ran towards him and headbutted in the stomach and ran away but then I smelt my weakness PEANUTS they smelt like heaven I ran towards them and I didn't know what hit me I was trap Obviously I didn’t care I just wanted my peanuts after I was nearly finished with the peanuts I realized I was trapped I looked around I found some peanuts I put them in my mouth and spit them at the leader he dropped the cage and it broke I ran away then came back with a strong stick and wacks him in the leg then threw it in is face and ran away back into the bushes and came out again with a longer stick and whacked him then the tiger came back then the elephants came the leader was so scared then the police came to arrest him and then me and my mom came back to the circus THE END.
my word count is 1040 of 1147
Kia ora Kahurangi.
ReplyDeleteI started reading your story but found it hard to understand.You have a lot of ideas but there is hardly any punctuation.
I think it's better to write a small amount and have it neat and easy to read,rather than write heaps.
Is there any chance you could go over it and correct it please?.